To all my single sistas:
Heaven knows I spent a lot of years being single. And looking back, I now know that I wasted so many of those years in immature insecurity and self-doubt. I
would date guys who I knew were not good enough for me and who would
treat me poorly, but I didn’t believe I could get a guy who was any
better. I would surround myself with drama and destructive
influences and simply was not getting the value out of the single life
that I now know is available to single people. No wonder I didn’t get married until I was a little older.
As wonderful as marriage is, and as righteous of a
desire as it is to find someone to be with forever, being single can be
such a fantastic time if we take it as an opportunity to progress and
develop in our personal lives and not be hung up on whenever our future
will come to pass. It is a valuable time to focus on
maturing and preparing not only for marriage, but for a happy and
fulfilling life as a single person if the opportunity to marry never
presents itself. So here is my non-professional,
experience-induced, you-might-wanna-get-a-second-opinion advice on how
to get the most out of being single:
You must develop your emotional maturity so that you can attract a man who is emotionally mature.
So what does that mean? Well, you
would be flabbergasted by the statistics of how many people do not
emotionally mature past the narcissistic age of youth where every action
feeds their own best interests. (seriously, you should google it…) And
we all know how effective relationships are when based on feeding your
own best interests…… yeah, no. So let me break it down for you (with the help of Dating Coach and LCSW Alisa Goodwin Snell): There are three, what I like to call, Pillars of Emotional Maturity. They are:
Accountability
Self Control
Empathy
Someone who is developing their emotional
maturity doesn’t necessarily have to be a rock star in each of these
categories, but they at least have to know where they stand and be
working towards getting better. The goal is to become the type of
person who takes accountability for their actions, even if they are
wrong, and doesn’t blame other people or sources for their problems or
choices.
You also want to become the type of person who controls
destructive tendencies (ie, substance abuse, money spending, losing
temper, etc.) so that you can one day put the value of someone else’s
happiness above bad habits. Lastly, and maybe most importantly, you
want to become the type of person who feels what someone else feels,
weeps with someone who is weeping, and truly tries to step in someone
else’s shoes to understand what they are going through, even if it is
something that wouldn’t necessarily upset yourself. Doing a
self-inventory in these three areas will not only enrich your life as a
single person, but will make you eligible to find someone else who is
also emotionally mature. The only relationships that last are the ones
in which both participants are emotionally mature—we’re talking
accountable to his/her actions, choices and wrong-doings, can control
destructive habits, and is able to express and feel empathy. So you can
see the urgency of developing these characteristics.
As a side note, but a very pertinent one, I
would advise ANYONE AND EVERYONE to remain single over choosing to
commit to someone who is emotionally immature. Marrying someone who is
not accountable to his actions, has no self control, and who is not
empathetic to your feelings will leave you alone in your marriage.
Honestly, it is far better to never get married than to marry someone
who eats away at your spirit. As you become more emotionally mature
yourself, you will feel a sense of pride and self-worth develop to the
point that you won’t allow yourself to be tied to anyone who doesn’t
value you the way you deserve. And if you realize the way you deserve
to be valued and only allow those in your close circle of influence who
realize it too, your relationships of all kinds will improve and you
will have the confidence to go through life with grace and love, no
matter what your marital status is.
Source: http://cherishinghopesanddreams.blogspot.com/